


my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

by alteridemlynch



Series: Pynch as taylor swift songs [6]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: 1800's AU, Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, M/M, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, and ronan and him are having an affaIR IN THE WOODS!!!, basically adam is in abusive marriage in teh 1800's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alteridemlynch/pseuds/alteridemlynch
Summary: Adam took a deep breath, looking up to the sky, criss-crossed with branches. He remembered the first time they had met privately, right here, in the heat of the summer. The trees had been been full, then, of glorious green leaves speckled with sunlight. Adam liked to imagine that Ronan was like a tree, or a plant perhaps, that had rooted itself around him, inside him, that summer.And now, months later, though he stood in the snow, he was covered in Ronan’s greenery.------inspired by Ivy by Taylor Swift
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: Pynch as taylor swift songs [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058669
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

**Author's Note:**

> a few things before we go!  
> \- this takes place in the 1800's because why not? i just feel like it fits the song's vibe  
> \- trigger warning: mentions of an abusive relationship. nothing graphic, just a few brief references  
> \- alter__idem suggested i do Ivy FOREVER ago and I'm sorry this took so long...I could not figure out how to approach this song and then this random AU came to me and I ran with it. I hope you enjoy :)

> _**How's one to know?** _  
>  _**I'd live and die for moments that we stole** _  
>  _**On begged and borrowed time** _  
>  _**So tell me to run** _  
>  _**Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become** _  
>  _**And drink my husband's wine** _
> 
> _**Oh, goddamn** _  
>  _**My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand** _  
>  _**Taking mine, but it's been promised to another** _  
>  _**Oh, I can't** _  
>  _**Stop you putting roots in my dreamland** _  
>  _**My house of stone, your ivy grows** _  
>  _**And now I'm covered in you** _  
>  _**And I'm covered in you** _
> 
> _**(Ivy, Taylor Swift)** _

Adam ran through the snow, his boots trudging along. He was cold and hot at the same time, aching to unwind his scarf and catch his breath. But he had to go a bit farther, just to be safe.

After another minute of panting into the winter air, Adam spotted the familiar fence at the edge of the property and not-so-skillfully hopped over it. Once on the other side, he took a sharp right into the barren forest, heading for the clearing he knew to be just up ahead, past the large oak tree.

“Ronan?” he called when he got there, taking a seat on a large rock. He searched the area, his eyes scanning for a figure of darkness against the stark white, but found nothing. Just endless white.

He pulled his coat tighter around him.

He didn’t have much time. His husband would be home from work soon, and if Adam wasn’t there, with dinner ready on the table, he’d be in trouble. His wrist was still sore from the other night when he’d spilled wine all over the tablecloth, Carter grabbing his arm and squeezing painfully in anger.

He sat and waited, grieving for this life he had. The life he was stuck in, no matter how desperately he wanted to escape.

He was about to turn back—he only had fifteen minutes, twenty maybe—when he caught a glimpse of black fabric to his left. Ronan’s figure slowly emerged, backlit by the sun like an ethereal, incandescent being, and Adam’s face broke into a smile.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Ronan called in lieu of a greeting. He shuffled his boots across the snowy forest ground, almost tripping in his desperation to reach Adam. “One of the horses is unwell. I had to stay till the veterinarian finished.”

Adam just nodded, reaching his arms out to Ronan. The taller man wrapped his arms around Adam, pressing him close to his own body and warming them both up just enough. “I missed you,” Adam whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Ronan’s neck.

“I know, I’m sorry. The winter makes it harder to see each other,” Ronan said, pulling away to cup Adam’s face in his own. Adam wanted to melt, staring into his opal eyes. Everything—the hiding, the snow, the fear—was worth it, if only to look into Ronan’s eyes every few days.

“I don’t have much time,” Adam said, eyeing his watch. Ronan just nodded, taking Adam’s hand and dragging him back to the large rock to sit down on, their legs pressed together.

“Your hands are freezing,” Ronan said, stroking them with his own. “I need to get you gloves.”

Adam just shook his head. “It’s alright. Spring will be here soon enough,” he said, though he huddled closer to Ronan, aching for his warm. He looked down at their hands entwined together. “They fit so perfectly, together,” he mused.

Ronan took a deep breath and Adam could feel it against his ear. “Adam,” he said carefully. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About?” Adam asked.

“You, of course,” Ronan smiled, blushing. “But more specifically . . . what if we ran away?”

Adam scoffed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean just that. We could run away, get out of this town, this state, start somewhere new, together.” The hope in his eyes made Adam’s heart break. After months of secret letters and frenzied meetings, Adam had fallen deeply in love with this farm boy. He knew he shouldn’t— _couldn’t—_ being that he was already married, but Ronan’s affection was like a fire, slowly warming Adam until he couldn’t help but get burned.

“We can’t, Ro, you know that,” Adam said, looking down at his wedding ring. His father had made the match just a year ago. Carter was wealthy enough, reputable in town. When he told Mr. Parrish he was interested in his son, Robert practically jumped at the opportunity to marry him off. Adam thought that perhaps this was a means of escape—Robert Parrish wasn’t a good father by any means—but he was passed from one tormentor to another. Maybe that’s why Robert had liked Carter so much; they were one in the same. “If he found me . . if he . .”

“I know,” Ronan nodded, placing a comforting hand on Adam’s chest. “But Adam, you deserve better. You deserve a real life, a life of happiness and _love.”_

Adam shook his head. “It’s not just him, Ronan. It’s my father, too. If any of his friends or family . . . if _anyone_ found out, he’d kill us both. I can’t endanger you like that.” 

Ronan sighed a long sigh and then pulled Adam closer to him, their chests pressed together and heads resting on shoulders. Adam never wanted to leave his warm embrace. He wanted to melt into Ronan until they were blended , his tanned skin mixing with Ronan’s into a beautiful, caramel pool. He wanted to drown in that pool, in Ronan’s love.

“I’ll get it all sorted. Get paperwork to change our names, buy property across the country, whatever it takes. Matthew’s almost of age; he can take over the farm. We’ll start a new one, somewhere warm. Just us,” Ronan whispered into Adam’s good ear.

The thought intoxicated him. A life with Ronan? A full life, not just snippets of stolen time? It was too good to be true; Adam didn’t, _couldn’t,_ get his hopes up . . . “You can’t do that to me.”

“Do what?”

Adam shook his head, standing up, his body fizzing with an assortment of feelings. Anger, fear, longing. Love. So much love for Ronan, for the fact that he had thought to offer this up, impossible it may be. “Plant these seeds of hope,” Adam admitted. “You’re putting these . . . these _roots_ down in my mind. These wild, beautiful dreams—fantasies—of what could be, and I can’t bear to imagine it.”

Adam took a deep breath, looking up to the sky, criss-crossed with branches. He remembered the first time they had met privately, right here, in the heat of the summer. The trees had been been full, then, of glorious green leaves speckled with sunlight. Adam liked to imagine that Ronan was like a tree, or a plant perhaps, that had rooted itself around him, _inside_ him, that summer.

And now, months later, though he stood in the snow, he was covered in Ronan’s greenery.

“I want it too much,” he finally let out. It felt nice to say it, to admit aloud his hope and his fear. 

Ronan still sat on the rock, his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, processing. He slowly stood and joined Adam, bringing their cold hands together and squeezing them. “I know, Adam,” he told him. “I would not offer it if I wasn’t sure we could do it,” Ronan said. “I know what you’ve endured and I wouldn’t dare let you get hurt again, not by my hand.” Ronan placed a featherlight kiss on the tip of Adam’s red nose, and he sniffed, blushing. “Please, Adam, my love, let me help you.”

Adam wanted to refuse—he’s always been good at turning down the things he wants—but the seed had been planted, and Adam had no choice but to agree. “Okay,” he breathed, his breath a cloud of mist in the cold air. “Yes, Ronan, yes. Let’s run away together,” he laughed, the words making him giddy.

Ronan lifted Adam up by the waist and spun him around, both boys laughing blissfully. When Adam’s feet were on the ground again, he pulled Ronan’s face into his hands and gave him a proper kiss, their lips opening up against each other without a pause. Ronan’s arm snaked under the hem of Adam’s shirt, his cold fingers dancing across hot skin, and Adam gasped in pleasure, drawing Ronan’s mouth open wider against his

“I must go,” Adam said after a moment, pulling away. “I’m already late and Carter will—“

“Go,” Ronan agreed, not wanting Adam to have to suffer any sort of consequences from this meeting. “I’ll send word when to meet next?”

“Yes,” Adam nodded, already dreaming of Ronan’s note. Adam straightened his coat and scarf then attempted to smooth down his hair. He’d have to run very fast to get back in time, but he didn’t care. “Tamquam,” he said, pressing one soft kiss on Ronan’s cheek.

“Alter idem,” Ronan said, and then he turned away, heading back towards his farm. Adam watched him go one second longer before taking off through the woods.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you all enjoyed it! let me know if you have any other song suggestions :) 
> 
> also anyone catch the CDTH reference?


End file.
